scenes from a vinyl-covered chair in a restaurant

We rarely go out to eat these days because it takes away from our dog food money. Last night, we went out for ribs in celebration of Cindy's profound smartness at work. During dinner, in a vain attempt at thwarting the auditory onslaught of Christmas music, I learned a few Sociological lessons worth sharing:
1. While you may describe your 5-year-old as "cute" and "frogger-like" as they obnoxiously hop around the restaurant, those around you are thinking of different adjectives.
2. If you are more than six months pregnant, you may want to re-think wearing a thong...if not for you, for the rest of us being subjected to the helpless, screeching cries of fabric as it valiantly attempts to retain its elasticity. Plus, when I'm stuffing my face with pork products, I don't need to see the Texas Longhorns logo through your ill-fitting khakis every time you bend over.
3. Why have people suddenly decided shoes are optional? This was not a pretentious, 5-star restaurant, of course, but what lessons are you teaching your child when you allow them to publicly run amuck in only sock-laden feet? Is it too much to ask your child to keep their shoes on for an hour?
4. If you dangle your finger upside-down in front of your camera phone, the picture of your finger looks somewhat penis-like. It's then apparently funny to send this picture to your friends.
5. Old school waitresses and servers are awesome! They are finely-tuned hosting machines: friendly, courteous and cordial. None of them were under 50 years old, but they could teach a clinic on customer service for some of the other people who have waited on us. No, we are not at all pretentious folk requiring constant culinary attention. But when we address our server and tell them, "I did not order these green eggs and ham. I will not eat them.", we don't expect them to look at us, shrug, and walk away. I'm reminded of the infamous lunch at a local burger establishment during which Cindy said, "I ordered this without Red Red Sauce (i.e. ketchup). This burger has Red Red Sauce on it." The server looked at her, raised her eyebrows in confusion, and uttered -- and I quote -- "Buh...?" Anyway, the servers last night were excellent, if not slightly overzealous. Thank you!